Being a girl

Sounds simple and yet complex for someone like me.  I was a tomboy for as long as I could remember.   My mom hated that I was a tomboy.  She would try to dress me up and all I cared about was playing with the kids and dirt. 

The only way to entice me to buy a dress was to bribe me with shoes.  I loved shoes.   I think that was the only girly thing I had going for me. I rough housed  with boys and I was in a lot of fights.   Makeup came into play in my teenage years but only because I wanted to do want other girls were doing. I grew into my own style but not to the extent that most girls do. 

I would apply makeup and when it wore off it wore off.  No reapply for me. As I got older, raising a family, working and doing mom stuff were not conducive to my looking my best.  It would take a beating sometimes. 

Now that I do not have to fret with mommy duties on a regular basis,  I can turn my attention to someone who has been neglected.  That someone is me.

I love shoe shopping.  That is something that has never left me but I didn't buy when the kids were young.  All my money went to the kids.  I spent most of my life in flats and sneakers.  I love heels.  No less than three inches. 

I can buy without guilt.

I buy makeup but it is required.  Girl is a little ragged around the edges.  I tease Bill that I need time to sand, spackle, prime, and seal before I go out. 

Purses.  I love purses.  I love the textures, styles, and colors.


My daughter laughs and said I have grown a lot this year.  My girl is a girly girl.  She loves doing all things that girls normally do.  Where did she come from?

Donna Marie and I normally have a lunch date once a month.  I asked her if she would like to go with me and get my nails done.  I want nails nice long nails.  I think I heard her mouth hit the floor. 
She is so excited.  So am I.

We are going in a couple of weeks.  I enjoy being a girl.

Can a grandma feel like a girl? 

 Beauty Queen Abbie

No Substitutions

I survived another night babysitting my youngest grandchild. Donna Marie and the rest of her family went to the park.  It was in the last afternoon.  She wanted to keep Joaquin out of the heat and humidity.  It was going to be a long night.  He had just fed and was sleeping.


 Joaquin slept for a couple of hours.  When he woke up, he made me earn my keep.  haha
As he was slowly opening his eyes,  I was speaking to him.  The most curious look came over him.  He blinked and scrutinized  me.  This is not my mother I think was his expression.


I got close to his face.  I have often heard that babies need to see things at close range.  It is the same  for me but  I have old eyes.  As I spoke, he gave me smiles. He scanned my face and just smiled. This  made .me laugh.  It lasted for only a few minutes but left a huge mark on my heart.


Joaquin ate, poohed, and burped for the next hour.  The last hour, he was just a fuss bucket.  He wanted to eat, but did want the bottle.  I burped him.  I held him in many positions.  Nothing would appease him.  I started to give him kisses and I sang to him.  He would stop and just look at me.  I think he liked it. Joaquin would look at me while I sang to the tune of Hello Dolly.  But instead of Dolly, I said Hello Mommy.

Donna Marie finally came home. He heard her and  he became still.  Like he was listening and making sure it was her.  I handed her the baby.  The image of him in her arms was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.   He was so content just being in her arms.  Joaquin missed him mama. . 

I was updating her on his evening and they were just looked at each other.  When the spell was broken, Donna Marie told me it was time for his last feeding and he was ready to go to bed.    The light bulb went on in my head. The problem was Joaquin was done with his visit.  He wanted mom.

Can't blame him, nothing beats your own bed and being with your mother.  No one can replace mom that is for sure. 

I have to accept my demotion.  I have a role its just not the primary one anymore.

Second Rate Abbie

My Achillie's heel

I wanted to put a disclaimer for this post.This is not my normal take on my kids or grandkids.  I wanted to vent.  Just say what I need to say and move from there. 

I found out that I will have relatives from out of the country (Peru) coming for a visit.  I am so excited. I haven't seen them since I was two.  Lets say it has been 40 years since I have seen them and sadly I do not have any recollection of them .  My uncle, on my fathers side, will be arriving with his wife and daughter. 


I am excited about planning a party.  I like to do the little details and now with a little more coin in my pocket I can really go for it.  The only bee in my bonnet is my mom.
  
There was a post I read from Maxabella's blog.  It was about having the house in perfect order when we expect visitors.  Why do we put up a facade, if it is not always that way? 


I tend to clean prior to family and friends for the occasional party.  I am guilty of this charade.  Now that I have any empty nest, my house is not that crazy all the time.  Though it did, when I was watching my grandchildren for two weeks straight. 

The illusions of a perfect home need to reappear.  Now why would a mid forty woman grandmother to five want to go the extra mile?  My mom!  She has a way to make me nuts without saying a word. 

My mom is a very formidable woman.  How can a woman in her mid 70's control from such a distance?  She live in New york.  It is hundreds of miles away.
 
They plan to only be here for one day but I know that she will be watching everything I do, say,  and wear.   Why do I still seek her approval?  Sshouldn't I already have it?  Do I think I will lose it, if I don't do, say, and wear everything I think she will approve .


I think what will drive me even more crazy is the next day.  I think what I am dreading is the phone call.  Most people will call and express to the host, they had a great time.  My mom will tell me the good, but most of time it is to critique.  If it is good, it sounds like she is surprised that I pulled it off.  I don't know how to take that sometimes. I want to say sometimes "good lord woman what will it take before you see that I am a grown woman who can and does take care of herself."

Soooo mature.  I know.

The bad, which is most of the time, why did  you do it this way?  Where was so and so?  Why did you have this? My, you have gained weight, but if you want to look like an elephant go ahead.  She used to be worse and would tell me that my husband would leave me if I kept this weight.  Her way of being supportive. 

She would respond with "I am not telling you what to do. I am just advising you.  I want to warn you that you might lose your husband, but if don't care about your looks I don't care either.

Its just that I never asked her for her advise!! I already knew what she thought.  My mom hasn't been on me about my weight for these last few years.  Now it is the gray hairs, she wishes I would dye it.


On one hand, I am looking very forward to meeting my relatives and on the other hand, I am anxious about the scrutiny I will be under.

 My husband built a bar in the family room.  It was a hit at many of our parties.  I plan to visit my bar regularly. 



Under the microscope Abbie

Jackson and Lando

Jackson has started to learn how to play fetch with Lando. 

Do you see the arm on the kid?  Do you also see how close Lando is to Jackson?  That is because Jackson throws that far.  He loves to throw things.  I have to be careful with him because things have a way of flying by my head.

This is Lando's favorite ball. 

Lando has managed not to destroy it.  Lando has ruined many toys lately within in an hour of receiving it.  But for some reason, he loves this blue ball. 

Jackson picked up the ball and Lando was very eager to catch it.  He would throw it and Lando would chase it.  He would growl and want Jackson to chase him but the growling deterred him from giving chase. 

Lando being so astute decided he would lay the ball at Jackson's feet.   Jackson would pick it up and throw it.  At times, Lando would catch it in midair. What a dog.!

Sometimes Jackson would grab another ball to entice Lando, if he didn't drop the ball. 




This went on throughout the evening. As I watch this interaction, I begin to realize that this is the start of a beautiful relationship!


Witness Abbie

Abbie's eyes

Joaquin is a doll. He eats and sleep most of the time. This is very good for a babysitter like myself who has a very active 18month old that she is watching at the same time.  Jackson was walking, climbing, and getting into everything.  

When  Joaquin did wake up,  I would hold him and he would stared at me.    He would study my face and I just loved touching his nose with my nose.    I love his eyes. I thought he had my eyes. 

I declared it each time I saw him, much to my daughters amusement. A small way,  when I pass on, a little bit of me is still visible to the world. My legacy, if you will. 

 

In just a few weeks, I have seen that they are not my eyes.  I think they belong to his paternal grandmother.  blah

Sorry a little green here. 

Joaquin is still beautiful no matter what shape his eyes are.  He is still my angel.

It was glorious though that for a few days one of my grandchildren had something that was from me.

  Green-eyed Abbie

Fireworks

We live on a street that to ends to a field.  From this view, you can see fireworks without having to drive to, fight traffic, and fight the crowds for a spot.

The fireworks usually are around nine and for the past few years I couldn't tell what night the celebration would take place.  It was a hit or miss for us.  I think I now know when they go off and next year I will be prepared. I would like to have a couple of chairs, bug spray, and some drinks this way we can enjoy the evening in proper fashion.

I ran to the window, when I heard that familiar noise.  Sure enough, they were going off.  I yelled to my husband and  he went outside.  it is dusk, so I grab the mosquito spray.  They will be out in full force at this time of night. I do not want to be eaten alive while watching the pyrotechnics. 

I have been taking pictures for awhile and yet I forgot to bring out the camera.  When I do remember it, I am tickled that my camera has a feature for fireworks.  I tried it out . 

As I am using it, I see there are a few problems.  One being a delay from one picture taking to the next. It would process the picture after 10 seconds. Meaning I would have to wait to take the next one.  This stinks because with fireworks it is all about timing.

Second - It is hard to see in the dark. I am trying to time it right and with the dark sky it is hard to aim properly because the screen is black.

Third -  The trees have grown so much there is only a small area to get a  view.  About five years ago, the sky was wide open and the view was spectacular.  Now it is only a portion that we are able to see the colorful display.

Finally, the most important one is that the pictures are not what I expected.  I am very inexperienced photographer so that may be the dilemma.  I take pictures but does that make me a photographer.  I should use amateur because that is what I am.  I am in no one's league to be a photographer.  These pictures look like someone like me took them. 

Its a start.  I have to practice a hell of a lot before I decide to plunk down serious cash for a better model of camera.  I do hope to take one of those classes that help people with an interest in photography and get the full use of what the model I have can do.

The fireworks were beautiful.  They added a few new ones this year.  Lando was with us.  The noise did not scare him at all.  We can hear them go off from our home. In fact what interested him were the flying insects.  Bugs were out but I did not get bit.  Let's hear it for OFF Spray!!

Bill and I had enjoyed our evening as a couple.  One of many to come for us I hope. 

 Amateur Abbie

BBQ for two

Happy  4th of July!!!  I think it is the first one that I will not be with my children.  It will be just me and my husband.

My youngest son went to the beach with his girlfriend.  She wanted to see fireworks from the beach.  It is his first getaway with his girlfriend.  Something he did all by himself and looking very proud of himself.

Sean, my oldest boy, is in Colorado waiting for the birth of this first born son.

Donna Marie is home with her large brood enjoying her husband being home an extra day.  I know she needs and uses him, when he is home.  I wanted them to have a day for themselves.

I had to pick something up for the home and Bill came with me.  Home depot was having a sale on charcoal and my husband saw the grill. We bought a small grill.  It was big enough for us. 

The original idea for the trip to the store was to get an air filter for the air condition and we come home with a new grill, charcoal, and new utensils.

The holiday was coming up and family gatherings will be coming up and we needed a new one.

We got it going.  Or should I say Bill got it going.  It was a nice, hot, and humid day for a barbecue.

I got hamburgers, kielbasa, and the all American hot dogs.  We made a lot of food.  I guess we still cook for a big family. 

My stomach is still full just looking at this.  It was so yummy. Great job, Hun!!


   Happy tummy Abbie