Fork in the Road

I had been meaning to write for some time but unfortunate circumstances have arisen that prevented me from purging all the thoughts in my head. 

How do I begin?

I looked at my stat and was surprised to see that the last entry was in September.  I can't believe how much time has passed. 


Trying to find the Christmas spirit which is hard, since I don't have little ones in the house.  Kids have a way to kick you in the butt and keep you moving forward.  My husband has done things to take my mind off things if only for a little while.

The reason for the blues.  In early October, my father had a heart attack.  I found out about it almost two days after the fact.  This is courtesy of my mother.  Which is a whole other story.

I raced to be with him and I am told that he will need to have a triple bypass surgery.   My dad needed to have an emergency right away but they needed to get him in good shape.  I come to find out as well as the doctors that he has many other problems.  My parents neglect to tell them about the other conditions that he may have currently. 

I come to find out he has kidney issues, prostrate troubles, and he is severely anemic. He has arthritis and gout.  Every day a different doctor came in because a new malady appears.   

How I wanted to run screaming from the room and have my Bill take me away.  Cry into his arms. Go home stay in bed and eat junk food.  There is a song by Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars.  A verse goes "If I lay here, if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world."  This was never an option.  I had come to realize I needed to step up and take control of the situation.

I had to inform each new doctor about what was learned prior to their arrival and what my dad was feeling at that moment.  For some reason, the man, who I saw as the most proactive person in any situation, was not saying a word.  He was hoping for it to be all a mistake.  My dad was hoping at the last minute that he could go home and not have the surgery. 

My mom was not helpful.  She made it known that my father was a grown man and he can handle the situation.  If he needs to say something, he will.  I found out in the course of a day that was so not the case.

I turned into my dads advocate, defender and drill Sergeant. A role that is opening new roads in my life.  Making me look at my parents differently and questions are coming up that can be life altering.    Will I be prepared?

My father survived the surgery and he is home.   His heart is doing well.  We have to tackle the problems that were pushed to the side for the surgery and are now front and center.

He has a long recovery ahead but at least he has a heart running on all cylinders.

Its a start.