Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Tale of Two Men

Where to begin? 
Its not that I don't have stories to tell but my life has had many turns and changes.
My mind was on full alert and I had no time to just think about me over this past year.  Sounds selfish.  I know. 

The bulk of my attention was aimed at the two men in my life. 
My Dad and my son.

My dad's health since his heart attack and triple by pass surgery had consumed my thoughts and my mind. The constant trips to the city.  Talking to his doctors. Sorting out his medicines.  Making sure he knew what his medicines were for and how to take them.  I found out that he took his medicines when he thought to take them and not when he should. Going to specialists and preparing for the day he would need dialysis.  Finding out his heart has been severely damaged.  Fighting through his fears, fighting with my mom and her issues, trying to build a relationship with a brother. A brother I had met just a year ago and getting him to help me with our Dad and meeting his family. 

On top of that...
My son

We visited him for the last time in Colorado and then the repercussions that happened after we left. His wife is in the Air Force and her time was coming up when she would get out of the military.  The isolation that he felt when we left, the despair.  It came and hit him hard.  He couldn't wait any longer to be free from the strict rules of military life.

Sean was in the military and when his time was up, he became a stay at home time dad.  It was a little rough.  His wife worked sometimes 12 to 14 hour days.  They had only one car and he was stuck at home.  He just reached the end of his rope.

Things are better now, he is in our home with his family. My son has family around and Sean is not feeling isolated. They are getting the time they need to rebuild the relationship they had prior to the kids. Sean and his wife are not drowning with all the craziest that comes with having a family so young and you are far from home. Sometimes you need a break and it helps when you have people you can trust around.

While trying to solve all the worlds problems, there has been the one who was by my side.   Just waiting for  me to reach out for help.   My Rock.  My love. The one constant.  My husband Bill, who supported me through the nightmares and heartaches.

I have always taken things on and not ask for any help.  I hate depending on someone when I can do it myself.  Wonder where my son gets it from?  ha ha
I didn't like sharing this with Bill. But he needed to know where I was going especially when I left the state.  It is only right.  Sometimes I felt bad for giving him so much bad news.  Too much for one person to handle. 

During the crisis, my husband received news that his dearest sister's mother in law died suddenly.  I can only imagine the struggle of who to be with and comfort. Stay with his wife or be with his loving sister.  Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He stayed with me until my dad was in better condition and the day before the funeral he was able to come back home and be with her.   I hated to put him in that position.  Bill is so loyal and to be divided with women he loves.  Letting him go was tough, but he went with a clear conscience.

I wanted to be be so selfish. I am far from perfect. I wanted him to be with me.  She has a huge family, a husband and a mom with her.  Why did she need him too?  Who did I have?  My mom was angry with me and worried about my Dad.  I have children who had their own families to tend to and I didn't want to burden them with my emotions.  I have no siblings aside from the person who is my brother whom I just met.  I was alone.  But I had to be the bigger person.  It super sucks but it made Bill feel better to go. I hid what I was screaming in my head - don't leave me alone.  I sucked it up.  It was only right and with a smile I let him go. 

Throughout the turmoils,we have grown stronger and tighter.  I would not deny him anything because he has proven himself over and over.  Bill is a man that truly deserves every good thing in the world.

Eternally grateful Abbie

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