Still Adjusting

I am slowly adjusting to my new role as my father's advocate.  I used to call my parents once a week and see how they are doing

now I call them everyday.  I check up on my dad and see if he is taking his medicines and if he is exercising.  I have to take him on his word since I am here and he is in New York.  I don't always have confidence that he does what he needs to do.  I just have his word and the sound of his voice to get the whole picture. 


It's like your kids.  You can tell if something is on their minds or if they are not feeling well just by how they look or act.  This is a skill I have had to sharpen within these past few months in regards to my parents.


I have time and distance against me and now I am working against my fathers impatience.  My dad wants to feel better and he wants to feel better now.  I wish I could help him but what he has takes time and lots of it. 


He has endured a great deal of pain and dad has always hidden it from me.  He is slowly becoming more open with me.  As I said before, I am here and he is in NY and he doesn't want me to worry about him.  I can understand but I told him that I will worry whether he tells me the truth or not.


Dad told me he wants to go to another doctor about this arthritis and gout.  He feels the doctor is not doing enough.  Dad believes that she will just prescribes pills.  I asked when he last saw her.  He tells me two years ago. 


I told him that things have changed since then and her treatment may be different and would be more aggressive.  I seemed to have to repeat this same  kind of argument with my dad on many occasions.  Dad has a phobia with regards to anything medical.


How he got away with refills for his medicines without seeing the doctors amazes me.  I have accompanied him to several doctors appointments and each time has been an eye opener.  Dad loves to spin a story but he cannot do that anymore, when I get the cold hard truth from the doctors.  I have always seen through him but that didn't stop him from trying.   

As I have visited and talked with him, he realizes I am in it for the long haul and that I want to help.  He worries about work and I am in a position that I have a very understanding boss.  My boss knows my family comes first and work is slow that I can miss some time.  I informed my boss of what I am looking at and what is needed of me in the role of advocate.

In order for me to be more effective in my new role, I need to know everything.  I have to go back to New York and get all the names of his doctors, write down all his medicines, and get phone numbers and fax numbers to the pharmacies.  I need to have a crystal clear picture of what my father needs in order to get him the right road to recovery.

It all starts with open and honest communication between my father and myself.

Fork in the Road

I had been meaning to write for some time but unfortunate circumstances have arisen that prevented me from purging all the thoughts in my head. 

How do I begin?

I looked at my stat and was surprised to see that the last entry was in September.  I can't believe how much time has passed. 


Trying to find the Christmas spirit which is hard, since I don't have little ones in the house.  Kids have a way to kick you in the butt and keep you moving forward.  My husband has done things to take my mind off things if only for a little while.

The reason for the blues.  In early October, my father had a heart attack.  I found out about it almost two days after the fact.  This is courtesy of my mother.  Which is a whole other story.

I raced to be with him and I am told that he will need to have a triple bypass surgery.   My dad needed to have an emergency right away but they needed to get him in good shape.  I come to find out as well as the doctors that he has many other problems.  My parents neglect to tell them about the other conditions that he may have currently. 

I come to find out he has kidney issues, prostrate troubles, and he is severely anemic. He has arthritis and gout.  Every day a different doctor came in because a new malady appears.   

How I wanted to run screaming from the room and have my Bill take me away.  Cry into his arms. Go home stay in bed and eat junk food.  There is a song by Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars.  A verse goes "If I lay here, if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world."  This was never an option.  I had come to realize I needed to step up and take control of the situation.

I had to inform each new doctor about what was learned prior to their arrival and what my dad was feeling at that moment.  For some reason, the man, who I saw as the most proactive person in any situation, was not saying a word.  He was hoping for it to be all a mistake.  My dad was hoping at the last minute that he could go home and not have the surgery. 

My mom was not helpful.  She made it known that my father was a grown man and he can handle the situation.  If he needs to say something, he will.  I found out in the course of a day that was so not the case.

I turned into my dads advocate, defender and drill Sergeant. A role that is opening new roads in my life.  Making me look at my parents differently and questions are coming up that can be life altering.    Will I be prepared?

My father survived the surgery and he is home.   His heart is doing well.  We have to tackle the problems that were pushed to the side for the surgery and are now front and center.

He has a long recovery ahead but at least he has a heart running on all cylinders.

Its a start.

Peruvian Invasion

With the little sleep I got the night before the party, I was dragging.   With my son and his family belongings, I had to clean my house all over again.  They left a trail of damage along the way.  It would not be a problem on a normal day but when I get additional guests whom I haven't seen or haven't seen in over 30 years its a dilemma.

Since the kids came so late and their internal clock off with the change of time zones, they went down for a nap.  All four of them.  It was a good  thing.  I was able to do more  without them being underfoot. 

Liam

I also got a blessing.  My dad called and said he wouldn't be in until 4 because they got a late start.  They were coming from New York.  Everyone else would get a good nap in, I can cook a little more, and straighten up the house.

Zoe

Bill got the drinks, ice, and helped get the bar ready.  Donna Marie showed up after her kids woke up from a nap. It worked out for everyone with the time change.

If things could go wrong, well, they kind of did.  The beer we got was not the best.  Instead of Corona, it was Corona light. Didn't know there was a different.  I am not a beer drinker.  I like vodka so if it is like that, yes there can be a difference. 

We ran out of chicken.  The only thing that my parents can eat.  We ran out of the other food as well.  I couldn't ask anyone to go for a run because either they were drinking or didn't know the area.  I had wished I hadn't had anything to drink because I would have run out. 

Then it started to rain and we sought shelter in my home.  A few stayed behind to help me bring everything inside and keep it from getting wet.

As much as I was looking forward to seeing them, it still felt weird.  I know they are family but there was a little disconnection.  I don't know why I held back.  I should have been a social butterfly and talk with each one like a proper host but I was trying to make sure every thing was tidy, beer in everyone hands and trash thrown out.  At least, that is what I keep telling myself.   I guess I could have put that to the side and let it go but it was different. 

I normally am able to talk to each one and go from room to room .  Keeping an eye on everyone and  laughing and carrying on. I did  this with my little family but I couldn't quite extend it to the others.

I wish I had enough food.  Wish I had enough liquor. I wish I had drank a few more glasses of my libation. Wish I socialize more.  Where's that genie with those wishes?

Bill and Uncle Juanito

I did talk with my uncle. It was great with him but I didn't do it with the rest of them.  I sure regret that.  I only hope I get another chance with the ones that live in New York.  I'll have to work on that. 

My mom and dad were very happy. It meant allot to me to see them content. 

There was one moment that everything was good.   I looked around and everyone was smiling and talking. 

Why do I always put myself in a bystander mode?  Why do I not participate? I want to be a part of it.  I want to feel like I belong.  I am so use to being an outsider that when an opportunity comes up where I am not, I don't know how to act. 

The liquor was starting to run out and I knew it was getting close to them leaving.  Funny how when the liquor dries up people see it as an end to the party.  Lol.

Bill made a few rounds of shots.  It sure livened the party and we heard lots of hoots and hollers. A parting shot so to speak. My parents even had one each.  That was the most hysterical thing I have ever seen. They do not drink outside of beer and with their medical conditions they should not have partaken but they had a good time.  I'll let it go for now.

We ended on a high note.  Shots are always a winner.  Bill, the perfect party partner, saved the day.

Dad, Danny, Donna Marie, Me, Sean

Bill on top and Denis on the bottom

We said our goodbyes and they went on their way. 

Not the perfect Hostess Abbie